


We've a Lot of Starving Faithful

by fiendhyuck



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Awkward Conversations, Conversations, Fluff, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Mark Lee Are Best Friends, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Suh Youngho | Johnny Are Siblings, Love Confessions, M/M, Old Friends, Religion, Religious Conflict, Religious Content, Soft Suh Youngho | Johnny, They're cute, i hate to sibling stereotype them, its good, johnny is so so good to mark, mark has always been obsessed with johnny, they have a really good conversation about being christian and queer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:07:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29290326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiendhyuck/pseuds/fiendhyuck
Summary: “Shit man, I forget you’re Christian sometimes.”“Dude, my dad is literally a pastor. You know that.”OR: johnny and mark have a healthy conversation about religion and sexuality
Relationships: Mark Lee/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 32
Kudos: 189





	We've a Lot of Starving Faithful

**Author's Note:**

> -a main theme of this fic is christianity!!  
> -johnny and mark have a deep talk about mark's faith  
> -this should go without being said but i am not making a statement about mark's actual religious views!  
> -these views do not reflect everyone's perspective of christianity

“Shit man, I forget you’re Christian sometimes,” Johnny says after glancing up from his phone.

Mark is halfway through snapping apart the cheap wooden chopsticks that came with their take out when Johnny blurts out that one, and it isn’t until Mark looks up at him with those wide seeking eyes that he realizes it might have been a little insensitive. 

Johnny is sprawled out on his bed scrolling on Instagram, the dorm room smelling distinctly like the Chinese food they picked up on the way back to the dorms while Mark is trying to take up as little space as possible with Johnny’s long limbs and the bags of food also taking residence on Johnny’s comforter. There was a whole other bed that was only about a couple of feet away from Johnny’s thanks to the ridiculously small accommodation (Johnny can’t afford anything bigger) but thankfully Mark knows by now that Taeyong would come very close to killing him if he ate greasy food on his bed. 

  
  


It wasn’t that Johnny didn’t know Mark was Christian, because it’s certainly not something he hides, but it’s never until Mark does something like bowing his head to pray before he digs into his food that it ever occurs to Johnny that Mark has a big Christian family back home. And really, back when Mark was just his younger brother’s best friend it hadn’t been a big deal. 

The only reason he even knew Mark’s family was die-hard Christian was because Hyuck would come home from a weekend spent at the Lee household and complain about how boring his morning spent at the Saturday morning Church sermon he was dragged to by Mark’s parents was. Johnny hadn’t thought about it too much, really. But now seeing Mark as he is, everything Mark’s parents likely could never imagine and yet everything they wanted him to be; Mark Lee--no longer just the boy his younger brother calls his best friend, but the progression of knowing who Mark Lee really is, as a friend of his own, as a college kid, and now as this weird stage of “ _ probably boyfriends, but not explicitly” _ . The Christian thing doesn’t make sense to him.

“Does it bother you?”

Mark seems to be scared out of eating his lo mein, his chopsticks frozen in the air as he carefully examines Johnny’s face like he’s afraid that Johnny will run away because he said grace on the same bed they’ve made out on. (Which, Johnny’s not a dick, and therefore would never do that, but he still finds it slightly weird.)

Their relationship is fairly new. So for Mark to be a little nervous about saying the wrong thing is expected, but that was also just who Mark was. He was always worried about embarrassing himself in front of Johnny, he always had been. Example Number One: When Mark was 14 standing in the Suh kitchen telling Johnny he  _ forgot the name of his favorite video game _ because he was afraid Johnny would judge him for his taste in entertainment. (Johnny was just trying to make small talk while he waited for the breakfast burrito he was heating in the microwave to finish heating, he wouldn’t have cared if he said his favorite game was Candy Crush.)

It was not until 4 years later that Johnny found out Mark had not managed to change even a little bit (besides getting significantly more attractive) when Hyuck decided to make all three of them go out for dinner to commemorate his brother and his best friend going to the same college and Mark spluttered out that he was a business major. Which, of course, resulted in Hyuck staring at Mark in disbelief (because he was not aware of Mark’s mush for brains around his older brother) before ungraciously correcting him, (“What the hell are you talking about? You’re gonna be an English major, psycho.”) 

The first time they made out, it took at least three different conversations and a distinctive display of how aroused Johnny was to convince Mark that his moans were not  _ weird and embarrassing  _ but rather unbelievably sexy. Johnny had known Mark as the squeaky middle school student Hyuck had brought home claiming him as his best friend before he knew him in any other context. Johnny had been an unbothered high school student just trying to make it through his junior year by the time Mark was making common appearances in their house, making awed comments about how much more laid back their household was in comparison to his. And by the time Mark was going to college Johnny hadn’t spent significant time with the kid in years, and Johnny was quick to realize he was  _ no longer a kid _ .

And it wasn’t until 4 years later that Johnny Suh realized that maybe he cared what Mark Lee thought about him too. 

The dinner Hyuck arranged had originally been just a chance to see his older brother again and ensure that Mark had an upperclassman on campus that he could rely on. Hyuck was extremely protective of his best friend, which Johnny would never fully understand, but Hyuck was staying in Chicago for some boy (Jaemin? Was that his name?) against Johnny’s advice that you should never go to college for a man, so it only made sense that Hyuck wanted Mark to have some backup that’s been living in New York long enough to teach Mark how to not die on his first day. And yes, maybe originally Johnny was just supposed to be Mark’s one get out of jail free card when he was drunk and had no one else to call in all of New York City, but Mark was cute and Johnny couldn’t help but love the idea of being the older wiser man who Mark could look up to and fawn over (when in reality Johnny was almost as lost as Mark).

And so, dinner turned into running into Mark on Campus, into grabbing lunch together, into hanging out with Taeyong and Johnny in their dorm, into Mark kissing Johnny for seemingly no reason. And now they’re here: Mark almost making permanent residence in Johnny’s dorm in between classes during the day. Many days Johnny will return from class to find a bundle of Mark laying in his bed and chatting with Taeyong. Sometimes Johnny would be concerned Mark wasn’t making any friends from his year, instead just adopting Johnny’s friendships. And then there was the sinking guilt that maybe he was being selfish, trying to keep Mark all to himself and holding him back from expanding his social circle to people his age, but one introduction to Jeno and Renjun reminded Johnny that though Mark may be a little shy at first, he certainly liked to talk. 

  
  


“No, no, of course not. I just,” Johnny grasps at words from the air, trying to convey to Mark that he was  _ not _ bothered by Mark’s religion but rather he was confused that Mark felt comfortable enough to call himself bisexual and read a bible that calls him a sinner for loving who he wants, “I never understood-- _ that _ .”

Mmm, yes. Eloquent, Johnny.

Mark nods, but it’s clear he has no idea what Johnny is trying to say, eyebrows creasing slightly in the middle. In true Mark fashion, he avoids eye contact, instead choosing to poke at his to-go box. 

Johnny sits up to take the other box from the plastic to-go bag and they begin to eat without another word on the matter. Johnny doesn’t usually feel the need to talk through silences, he just doesn’t get that feeling of awkwardness, but Mark doesn’t like the buzz of the quiet, and he’s always quick to fill the lull with mindless chatter. He assumes the religion conversation is over because it was very clear that they had moved on right around the time they started talking about the hot Japanese boy that Mark had sat next to in his lecture today, apparently studying abroad. 

They’re halfway through a conversation about Yuta’s  _ long silver hair  _ (“You should try growing your hair out too, man. I think it’d look nice on you.”), that Johnny realizes, almost in a fit of terror, that he’s really fucking scared of fucking this up. Fucking  _ this  _ up. Whatever this is, this thing with Mark; having Mark in his bed making silly comments about his hair and snickering at his stupid jokes and poking fun at his roommate and slurping his noodles and getting sauce all over his comforter and stealing his hoodies and stealing kisses and…

Johnny really likes Mark. Like a lot.

There’s a lull in the conversation where Johnny stares at Mark because,  _ holy shit,  _ that’s a lot to take in over Chinese takeout and riding on the back of his stupid comment about  _ completely forgetting _ about Mark’s literal fucking religion. 

Fuck. Yeah, Johnny will not let himself forget about that one.

Mark is stuffing their empty boxes into the plastic bag the food came in so Johnny can stuff it in his impossibly small trash can, and Mark seems to follow the floor where Johnny walks as he shuffles to throw away the bag.

“So, uhm,” Mark rasps, like he was trying to convince his vocal cords to actually work, his forehead scrunched like he was conjuring the courage to speak his thoughts, “what did you mean earlier?”

Johnny is bent over to push the trash down and fit the rest of the boxes in that godforsaken can in the corner. He has definitely not forgotten what exactly he’s talking about, but Johnny isn’t sure he wants to act like he’s still thinking about it. “What?”

“The Christian thing,” Mark says, still avoiding eye contact for a moment, picking at a string fraying on his jeans when the older straightens. He meets Johnny’s gaze curiously. Johnny instantly feels bad. The last thing he wants is for Mark to dwell on this.

“Mark,” Johnny says in an exhale, making his way to the bed and sitting thigh to thigh with Mark. He takes Mark’s cheek in his palm and swipes over the younger’s cheekbone in what he hopes is a comforting way, “Mark, I didn’t say that to make you think I hated you. I was just saying I forget sometimes. That’s all.”

Those eyes. The eyes of innocence and yet full of sin, and all things perfect and imperfect, and Mark, and Johnny  _ loves  _ them. He’s heard Ten refer to them as “coochie eyes” before, but for some reason, they’re so much more. They hold so many questions unspoken by Mark, endlessly curious and always asking for the validation he needs and so. Pretty. 

_ Mark is pretty _ , Johnny reminds himself. 

Mark breathes out a breath of relief, a smile splitting his face with a nervous laugh, fingers returning to pick at the string on his jeans, “Dude, my dad is literally a pastor. You know that.”

“Yes, I know. I know he is.”

Knowing better than anyone, Johnny knows Mark can’t help the laughter bubbling up through him, his eyes sparkling up at the older with amusement, admiration, all those things Johnny hopes Mark sees in him. His giggle is precious and Johnny can’t help but press a kiss to the younger’s forehead because he’s pressing his cheek into Johnny’s palm and Johnny is melting and melting and melting.

“D’you struggle to remember that Ten is Buddist too?”

Johnny can’t help the roll of his eyes because Mark has gotten a smart mouth since he started getting more comfortable around him, and he hates the way it makes his heart ache with fondness, even when he’s making fun of him. 

“No. Oh my God. It’s just that,” Johnny is terrified he’s going to say the wrong thing so he pauses in consideration, “ _ Most _ of the people I know who grew up in the church, aren't exactly religious anymore, you know.”

Johnny’s parents took him to church a lot as a kid, their Sundays full of morning sermons just as Mark’s were, but as he got older it was lost on him. He started to stay home and sleep in on Sunday mornings more often than not, only showing up for maybe a Palm Sunday or a Christmas Eve service and subsequently Hyuck started riding on the back of Johnny’s objections to waking up and started staying home too. Johnny never had the connection to Christianity Mark did, and he didn’t blame him for that, he just didn’t understand. By the time he came to terms with his sexuality the church was no longer a part of his life, just a distant memory of overly sweet grape juice, dry communion bread, and judgment.

Mark smiles sweetly like he knows Johnny is really trying to not say the wrong thing, bleeding into that teasing grin he sports when he makes fun of Johnny, “You mean most of the queer people you know aren’t religious.”

Johnny smiles because he likes the idea that Mark can read his mind. And he feels slightly called out.

“Well, yes.”

And Mark giggles with a scrunch of his nose because he always does and Johnny can only stare at him with a sated smile and pure adoration. 

Mark stops his laughing to press a feather-light kiss to the corner of the older’s mouth, running a hand through his hair and staring back with an equally lovesick gaze. Johnny wants to stay like this forever.

“Does it bother you?” he asks again, but this time there’s some other hidden meaning there and Johnny knows he’s asking a different question. He’s asking  _ him _ .

“No, it doesn’t,” Johnny says sincerely.

Mark nods because there’s nothing else to say. Johnny feels the warmth, the feeling of acceptance and comfort humming around them. Mark leans his head on Johnny’s shoulder and plays with the older’s fingers, tracing nonsense on his palm.

There’s a comfortable silence that only takes them over every once in a while, those few moments where Mark lets himself shut down and bask in moments. Johnny leans down to nose through Mark’s hair and kiss the crown of his head softly. He doesn’t smell like the shampoo he uses, he smells like a long day of lectures and the coffee they brew at the breakfast place he waits at, and most of all he just smells like Mark. Johnny quietly admits to himself he likes the smell of Mark.

For a few moments, they say nothing until Johnny intertwines their hands fully and asks a question that has taken residence next to his thoughts about the way Mark’s hair smells.

“Do you ever feel pressure to end up with a woman?”

  
  


Mark adjusts his head on Johnny’s shoulder but doesn’t make eye contact, maybe some religious guilt.

“Sometimes,” he says quietly like he is ashamed to say it out loud, “But I’m sure we all do.”

Mark’s hold on Johnny’s hand tightens like he’s afraid he’ll let go, but he eases up as Johnny passes his thumb over the younger’s knuckles.  _ He’s not going anywhere _ .

“My relationship with God has nothing to do with my sexuality,” Mark whispers like he’s afraid he’ll shatter the warmth if he speaks too loud, “Christianity, to me, is about faith in Christ and sending love out into the world. If God made me in his image, he knows that I cannot help who I fall in love with.” 

Johnny finds this quite beautiful but he doesn’t know how to put this into words so he just smiles because Mark makes his heart soar.

Mark finally picks his head up off the older’s shoulder softly to steal his gaze, those glowing eyes searching Johnny’s own face for something. 

“He knows you can’t help who you fall in love with either, you know?”

Johnny nods slowly, the air feeling like molasses and sweet things, his skin tingling with the thought and the attention.

“And if I love you?”

Mark startles into something less mellow and more elated. He splits a smile, he grasps at Johnny’s jaw like he’s coaxing any insincerity out before he responds, the bliss frozen on his features.

“I think he’d be okay with that. I am. I’m--okay. With that too.”

“You’re okay with that?” Johnny says laced with amusement and threatening to laugh at his words.

Mark giggles, shaking his head because he knows that’s not what he meant to say, “Yes. Yeah, I’m-- _ dude _ . I love you too.”

And it fits. It fits them because everything they’ve ever experienced together has been spontaneous and warm and full of love and that feeling is filling up every cavity of Johnny’s heart.

They kiss for a long time after that because Mark won't let him go and Johnny doesn’t want him to.

It’s not until later Mark breaks off the kiss with Johnny with a hum of remembrance, a piece of information that cannot wait.

“Hey, did you know that the original version of the bible before translation didn’t say anything about being gay?”

And Johnny listens.

**Author's Note:**

> gahh johnmark will always be my comfort ship 
> 
> i'm certainly more similar to johnny in this story, but i've had similar conversations about the idea of religion and sexuality and thought this healthy conversation would be really cute.
> 
> i hope you enjoyed!
> 
> feel free to yell at me on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/fiendhyuck)


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